Her attempts to ask a few passengers where they were, or where they were headed, fell on deaf ears. She barely knew any German and the little that she knew had flown out the window together with her trail of thought because she could not think straight. In addition to sweating profusely, her heart was beating so hard that it felt as if it were being pounded with a hammer. She could barely speak when she saw the conductor, and all she could manage was a meek “Bad Malente?” He responded with a shake of the head. Then continued to unsuccessfully explain to her what she would have to do. All she could decipher was the word “Hamburg.” She knew that Hamburg was 30 minutes away from Bad Malente and decided to alight there and ask around. With luck, she might come across someone who spoke English.
Three weeks into her arrival in Germany from Kenya, Rachel experienced emotions unknown to her. They ranged from sadness to loneliness to depression to changes in temperament. She remembers having to refrain from looking at photos she had taken with her close friends and family, for they would often remind her of fond memories. The photo that always made her sad was that of her with her family because it reminded her of their never-ending love and security. An incident that made it even worse to adjust occurred shortly after her arrival. She missed the train to school and had no idea how to get there by bus. A feeling of loneliness engulfed her because there was no one to call for a ride as would be the norm if she was back home. This was a reminder that she was in a foreign land, and with it came new experiences, experiences that a student in an unknown land would encounter one way or the other.
Her decision to come to Germany was prompted by Carolina, a German exchange student whom she had hosted in Kenya back in the summer of 1999. Through constant communication via emails and telephone conversations, Carolina persuaded Rachel to come to Germany and pursue a bachelor’s degree in industrial chemistry.
Her biggest challenge, however, was the language barrier. With only two years of sketchy high school knowledge of German, she barely got by. She remembers a day when she had gone to shop for a scientific calculator for her chemistry class. She got to the store and searched high and low for it but to no avail. Her attempts to ask for help proved futile because her gestures were hardly making sense. Her knowledge of German numbers did not help either, and she left the store exasperated, without a calculator, only to return the next day with a picture of one that she had downloaded from the Internet.
The day that ended with Rachel being on the train to Hamburg began with no hitches. She decided to take the 30-minute train ride from Bad Malente, the town she was currently living in, to Kiel, a nearby town. She was on her way to meet Carolina for lunch. She had not seen Carolina since her arrival and was excited and scared at the same time. It had been three years since they last saw each other, and she was scared because she did not know her way around the Kiel train station. They were meeting inside the lobby of the Cinemaxx situated at the train station and would proceed to lunch from there.
To her surprise, the Cinemaxx was within view when she got off the train. She found Carolina already at the lobby and was impressed by her punctuality. Since they were already at the train station, they decided to save time by having lunch at a nearby McDonald’s while catching up on lost time. After confirming that each others’ families were doing all right, they got down to the gossip. Carolina had found a boyfriend and they were madly in love. Rachel, on the other hand, was still single and had left a horde of admirers back home. They also talked about the nightlife in Kiel, which Carolina thought to be average. She, however, promised to take Rachel to Berlin for a weekend of wild partying and fun.
After lunch, they hit the stores and bought summer clothes and sandals before heading out for a tour of the city, each donning a pair of new sunglasses. From the rooftop of one of the town’s tallest buildings, Rachel was able to take in the breathtaking view of Kiel’s old buildings and the ferries on the Kiel Canal. They ended the afternoon with cocktails at a local bar before heading back to the train station.
As Carolina dropped Rachel off, she assured her that she would make good on her promise to take her to Berlin for an unforgettable weekend. She also instructed her to take the train back to Bad Malente from either the first or second track. With the hopes of getting back home before dark, Rachel jumped on the first train she found on the first track. As the train progressed, she noticed that the scenery had changed drastically. Vast areas of grassland with a few cows and horses now substituted for the many houses that she was used to seeing along the tracks. Her heart sank to her stomach as she realized that she was lost in a foreign land.
After unsuccessfully trying to ask passengers her whereabouts, Rachel heeded the conductor’s instructions and alighted at the Hamburg train station. She then began approaching people, hoping to find help. She had heard stories when she was back in Kenya about people being abducted or raped in such situations, but desperation was all that was ringing in her head. Most of the people she approached were of no help or ignored her completely. She especially remembers a distinguished-looking gentleman who was carrying a briefcase. She thought he looked like he spoke English, but when she approached him, he turned in the opposite direction and fled. She could hardly believe that her knowledge of English, Swahili, Luo and a little German was of no use to her when she needed help most. She resorted to pacing up and down the platform in a trancelike state.
As she was pacing, a small structure labeled Polizei caught her eye. She instantly knew that it was a police post and said a silent prayer before asking a police officer inside the booth for directions. He told her in broken English to walk to track 7 and catch the 9 p.m. train. She thanked him gratefully and sprinted to track 7.
Her nightmare, however, was far from over. The train she got on had Lubeck as its last stop. This meant that she had to go back to Hamburg on the same train and start all over again. She got back to Hamburg at 10 p.m., and the first thing she did was indulge in a habit she had given up years ago—smoking. As the saying goes, old habits die hard. Rachel managed to finish a whole packet of cigarettes in one hour. Flashbacks of the family and friends she had left back in Kenya kept running through her mind. They would be worried stiff if they knew she was in such a situation.
Once her nerves calmed down she decided to approach a different officer, who advised her to proceed to track 10. She managed to get on the 11:30 train to Kiel, knowing that it would definitely stop at Bad Malente. Thirty minutes later, she was alighting at the station at Bad Malente. Tears of joy streamed down her face as she embarked on the 10-minute walk to her apartment.
Reality set in once she reached the apartment, and loneliness engulfed her. No one was home to welcome her or ask her where she had been. All she found was the same old empty place she was used to, a place that she would eventually come to call home. The few steps that she would normally take from the living room to the bedroom seemed to take forever. The pictures of her family and friends that were displayed all over the apartment only made her long for their love and comfort. The curios and wall hangings of Nairobi’s scenery were of no help either. All she could do was flop down on her bed and cry herself to sleep.
Linda N. Mutinda, a journalism and media studies major at Rutgers-Newark, is originally from Kenya. Posted August 2005.
