A young woman enjoyed trips to New York City. A professor taught students at Essex Community College who became Port Authority police officers. An Egyptian student contemplated a career in the United States. Their lives, along with the lives of 17 other people from Newark, North Jersey and New York City, changed after 9/11. Read how.
Memory Without Fanfare
Lenworth Gunther, professor of history and director of the Africana Institute at Essex County College in Newark, lost 11 friends on Sept. 11. Most of them were his former students, who worked as Port Authority police officers.
He says we need to remember the tragedy of Sept. 11 without fanfare or a party. We should think very quietly, he says, about the importance of life and observe a moment of silence for our heroes who sacrificed their lives to save others.
A New State of Mind in New York City
Tammy Heskeyahu, a senior at Rutgers-Newark, says, “The tragedy of Sept. 11 affected my life because now you feel like you’re not safe anymore in this country.” New York City, the target of the terrorists, feels “weird” to her now: “When you go, you have to be more cautious, especially me. I’m more cautious and I don’t go there as much.” She adds, “When you go the people seem different, it seems sadder—especially around the area where it happened. Everyone looks at everyone differently now, especially at Arab people.”
Plans Put on Hold
Wael Lotfy, 20, is an international student at Rutgers University. Two years ago, he came to the United States from Cairo expecting a better education. Then came the morning of Sept. 11.
“When I found out, I hoped it was not the Arabs. I knew me being here would be different if it were.” Once the origins of the attacks became public knowledge, Arabs became targets of various forms of racism. Lotfy’s parents told him to shave off his beard: “Avoid the stereotype—the image that if you have a beard, you’re a terrorist.”
Lotfy shrugged and admitted that he was a little worried soon after the event unfolded, but he did not become overly concerned with a reality he could not control. “I knew they [Americans] were angry, but in time they would not gang up on you in the street and beat the fuck out of you anymore.”
At first Lotfy heeded the words of caution issued by his parents who where still in Cairo. But after being confined to his campus for a few weeks he broke free and ventured into the city. His first stop was a nightclub called Limelight, where he and his friends found themselves spectators of an argument between a bouncer and an Arab man. “You fucking Arab, go back to your country, you fucking Arab,” said the bouncer. To which the man responded, “You white pig!”
Although the cause of the incident was unclear and the outcome uncertain, Lotfy hung around in case the Arab man needed aid.
In the months following the attacks on the World Trade Centers, Lotfy was routinely searched at the airports. He found himself spending hours in front of customs agents pouring over the contents of his bags.
Without having many choices, Lotfy weighed his options. “I thought about going to Canada. They are more accepting there of foreigners.”
Lotfy’s life has been drastically altered by the events of Sept. 11. “If I wanted to get a job here, it would be next to impossible,” he says. Lotfy expects to graduate in 2004 and intends to return home to Cairo.
Things That Matter
On the morning of Sept. 11, 2001, Anurag Gupta, Enterprise I.T. Architect with the A.K. Consulting Group, left his office in the World Trade Center at 7:00 a.m. He went to his apartment, three blocks south, to rest from working a 20-hour day. Long hours had become a way of life for him.
One year later Gupta, the man who was once so consumed and driven by his career, says: “It’s made me realize that there’re things larger than my career, work and company. When it comes down to it, the few things that really matter are family and our way of life. I always knew that before 9/11. That those were the core forces that provide us happiness. But after the events of that day, I realized how fragile the bonds that hold all those things together really are.”
Gupta is now working in midtown Manhattan. He is engaged to be married. And he spends a lot more time with his mother and friends. Although he continues to work long hours and is still passionate about his company, Gupta is constantly aware of the “things that really matter” to him.
Hope, Disgust and the Media
Jasmine of Westfield, N.J., who prefers not to give her last name, is sometimes disgusted by the media coverage of 9/11. She says, “It’s almost as if the media is trying to desensitize us.” Yet while she feels overwhelmed by media coverage, she has also been extremely touched by the personal stories she has been reading. “Personal stories still hit a very raw nerve, even more so than the actual event.”
She explains that Americans have been so completely bombarded by media coverage and wounded from the attacks that they have not had the time to feel. Few have come to grips with the spiritual and emotional pain wrought by 9/11.
“It’s not just the facts that are important—it’s people in everyday life who have gone on despite this sadness. The people who have to put one foot in front of the other every day.” And this brings Jasmine many tears but also much hope.
After much thought, she says, “I guess this nation has no choice but to accept all the media coverage because it is the only way to come to grips with this sadness.”
Sadness
“Sadness,” says Sandy Harper, an actress living in Jersey City. “It’s mainly sadness.”
A year after 9/11, Harper still cannot comprehend what happened. She feels a great loss. And despair, frustration, anger. She feels as though she lost her innocence as an American. “We were so naïve. I was naïve.”
The tragic events have magnified Sandy’s conflict with her Christian faith. She is frustrated at the futile deaths of 9/11. Sandy says she is incapable of understanding why all of this has happened. At the same time she says that it doesn’t really matter, that “it is simply inexcusable.” She gets very angry speaking about how the terrorists were acting in the name of God.
Today, Sandy is less afraid than she was a year ago. She believes there’s nothing that could have prepared us for what happened and nothing that can prepare us for what’s to come.
Sandy did not personally know anyone who was hurt in the attacks. However, the pictures of heroism and humanity have strengthened her patriotism. Reflecting on this past year, Sandy says she is more proud to be an American.
More Cynical Than Ever
Carlton Butler, a recent resident of Jersey City from Maine, acknowledges the pain and suffering of all those associated with the events of 9/11. But his tone reveals his skepticism and a lingering disenchantment with traditional U.S. Middle Eastern foreign policy. With the anniversary of 9/11 approaching, the ensuing declining market and the discovery of a significant amount of corporate fraud, he says that “as an African American, I’m more cynical than ever.”
“America was attacked, nearly a year ago, by terrorists on her own soil with her own commercial aircraft. Nearly a year ago to date, the principal conspirator has neither been brought to justice nor even apprehended. America doesn’t even have a clue. America looks like she’s all smoke and mirrors. The U.S. government needs to get its act together and start employing a more sincere, realistic and effective foreign policy, especially when dealing with the Middle East—foreign policy that doesn’t ineptly endanger the public’s safety or the nation’s economy.”
More Vulnerable as an American
John Mansilla, an office administrator from Jersey City, saw the first plane hit the World Trade Center. The images from that day are still fresh in his mind. He keeps replaying them. A year later, he feels more vulnerable being an American.
In his everyday life, he feels some restrictions that have been made for security reasons but also understands their purpose. He recognizes the need to investigate those who pose a potential threat, but he holds no ill will towards Muslims.
Mansilla feels great frustration because “there’s nothing we can do about it.” He says, “It feels as though things are going to get much worse before they start getting better again.”
Watching Hopes Fade
Vanessa Acevedo, a substance abuse therapist at Queens General Hospital, remembers the news filtering into her office from the hall on the morning of Sept. 11 that the World Trade Center was on fire. “I rushed to the staff lounge to see if what people were saying was true. When I got there, the lounge was already filled with hospital workers fixated on the television. It was true. We watched in horror as the Twin Towers ultimately crumbled to the ground. It seemed like it occurred to most of us immediately that we had to get there, into downtown Manhattan to the site of the tragedy.”
“It was several days before I made it to Ground Zero,” Acevedo remembers. “I was assigned to a command post on 23rd Street off the West Side Highway. My job was to collect DNA samples and to provide comfort and assistance, administer consoling to those looking for the missing. It was so sad and difficult to watch the hopes of so many people fade—after hoping against hope day after day. Countless numbers of people came in throughout each day with all types of intimate personal items belonging to the missing, undergarments, hair- and toothbrushes—hoping to find their missing loved ones.”
Looking back at the world since September, Acevedo says she is more appreciative of her family and friends and many little things she took for granted before. “Now I try to keep everything in the proper perspective and look at the big picture,” says Acevedo. “Since 9/11, I work harder at being someone that I can be proud of, and I try to remain grateful for what God has given the world.”
New Journey, New Fears
Bee Bee, as she likes to call herself, lives in New York City and has worked in downtown Jersey City for 10 years. Soon after Sept. 11, she apprehensively went back to work. While she did not experience the personal loss of any loved ones, Sept. 11 has taken both an emotional and psychological toll on her.
“The mere fact that I am forced to commute each day by ferry serves as a constant reminder to me of Sept. 11. I can’t travel the route I used to each day because the PATH Station located inside the World Trade Center was demolished along with the towers. Life has become so much more difficult for me since the World Trade Center no longer exists. Something about the scenery nearly always triggers the reflection of some moment pertaining to those events.”
Bee Bee confesses that she still fears the possibility of future terrorist attacks. Before Sept. 11, possible terrorism on American soil never once entered her thoughts.
Today Bee Bee finds her commutes onerous. Each journey she takes across the Hudson is accompanied by an inescapable fear of the possibility of attacks. “It looks like it’s something we’re going to have to live with until somebody wises up.”
“We Are All Victims”
Sept. 11 made Iome Beale, a recent Rutgers University graduate, “value life and family more and not take things for granted.” She has also become “more cautious of my surroundings.”
Beale holds a bachelor of science in mechanical/aerospace engineering but says “the economy for entry-level mechanical/aerospace engineers has faltered as a result of Sept. 11. I am not able to pursue a career in my field of study.” She is disappointed in the economy.
Like many other Americans who did not lose a relative or friend in the events of Sept. 11, she still feels like a victim, and that “we are all victims.”
To Remember Without Reminders
Gerard Drinkard, media supervisor, was at work in Dana Library at Rutgers-Newark when the World Trade Center was attacked. A year later, he thinks that there is little that the world could do to lighten the hearts of those who lost family and friends. When asked how he copes with 9/11, he answers, “I want to remember, not be constantly reminded.”
Stay at Home
Helen Huang, 20, wants to stay home this year on Sept. 11 so that she can view the commemorations of the attacks on television.
A freshman at Queens College in New York City, Huang comes from China. She says nothing has changed for her since Sept. 11.
Although she is an immigrant herself, Huang believes that in addition to improving airport security, something should be done to restrict immigration. “It shouldn’t be so easy to come to the United States.”
In addition, Huang hopes that a memorial will be erected in place of the World Trade Center so that relatives of those who died can visit.
“It Just Doesn’t Seem Real”
Clay Cockrell, a social worker in Jersey City, says he feels as though he has no emotional bond with the events of Sept. 11. “I feel like I missed out on it. Like I have not been a part of it. It just doesn’t seem real,” he says.
Cockrell is also very angry. He admits that after Sept. 11 he has been looking at Arab Americans in a more suspicious way.
As a social worker, Cockrell gets to deal directly with people in need. He says that since Sept. 11, there has been a significant increase in the number of people who turn to him for help.
A year later, he feels more fearful, more aware. He initially thought of moving to a place with a lower profile, but decided to stay.
The Holocaust Comes Home
For Rabbi Yehuda Pearl of West Hempstead, N.Y., the events of 9/11 brought the Holocaust to America. Before Sept. 11, he explains, Americans heard about atrocities happening elsewhere. They never experienced them at home. In the Holocaust, he adds, Jews were killed for being Jews. On 9/11, Americans were killed for being Americans.
Rabbi Pearl is sadder than he was a year ago. “There is a cancer of evil in the world, and it is sad to see it spread … humankind can get exceedingly bad, but it can also get exceedingly good. … I believe the American system is strong enough to overcome this.”
The events of 9/11 did not affect Rabbi Pearl’s faith. He does not feel more afraid either. He is simply more cautious. Moreover, he explains that for him Sept. 11 was no revelation because he grew up studying people who became victims of atrocities.
Rabbi Pearl admits that underneath his sadness there is also anger. In his view, the Muslim world is tormented. The only thing that can be done, he says, is to educate children and allow them to create a better world.
Terrible Differences
Emmette Trinity of Newark says the attacks of Sept. 11 have changed his life but not to the expectations of others. “War, mudslide, famine and struggle for civil liberties around the world have been unnoticed by the media and the Western world for some time,” he says. “The tragic events have also made me realize that all humans do not have similar religious and ethical beliefs. We do not think alike with respect to our religions,” he added.
Sorrow and Memorabilia
Abdul Sene, a man of Senegalese descent, works in the National Embroidery shop at the Jersey Gardens Mall in Elizabeth, N.J. He feels sorrow for the thousands of lives lost on Sept. 11. “What was the reason for killing all those people?” he asks. “The events of that horrific day have changed my everyday life. I’m more aware about my surroundings and the new security measures.” Abdul works in a shop that sells hats, T-shirts and memorabilia. He says that 9/11 memorabilia is selling well.
Seeking Stability
Mike Alea’s dream was to become a screenwriter, but after the events of Sept. 11 the Rutgers-Newark senior says he realized that he has to find something more financially secure for his future because “stability is the safe way out.” Mike says, “9/11 scarred me, but time heals all wounds. Hopefully that time will come for me, and my wounds will not be malignant.” Mike is set to graduate in May 2003 with a degree in economics.
No Place to Hide
One year after the attack on the World Trade Center, Pat Warren, a former New Jerseyan now living in California, finds herself reliving the horrific event. Warren feels a sense of compassion, patriotism and pride, especially for New Yorkers who experienced the event in their own backyard. She thinks it is wonderful that the heroes and victims of Sept. 11 are recognized. “This is something we have to memorialize,” Warren says. “These heroes helped their fellow man without even knowing him, and it is important that we recognize the courageous.”
Warren does not appreciate the anniversary events that she is subjected to when she turns on her television set. She feels it is all a bit ghoulish. The stories force her to remember when the terrorists were learning to fly and when they were camped out in New Jersey. There is no easy way for her to avoid the anniversary of Sept. 11. “You can stick your nose in a hole and try to avoid all of this, but you have to come up for air sometime,” Warren says.
An Attitude Adjusted
John Krauze couldn’t believe it as he sat in his car in and watched “the world changing right before your eyes.”
From his vantage point in the parking lot of the Newport Centre Mall in Jersey City on Sept. 11, 2001, the 20-year-old Rutgers-Newark student saw the Twin Towers collapse.
“Right after they fell, the fighter jets went by, and you realize how scary it was—like the start of a war, and you just don’t know what’s going to happen,” he says. Then he adds, “What’s even worse is that you’re right in the middle of it. .. So there were a lot of emotions, but definitely fear of what was to come.”
A year later, Krauze doesn’t feel the event changed his life “since everyone made an attempt to live normally afterwards,” but he knows it changed his attitude toward loved ones. “I want to let them know I care about them, because at any moment they could be taken away. You never know.”
Outside of watching some of the news reports, Krauze didn’t do anything special for the day because “anything that I truly hold for that event, I acted out every day or believed in my heart.”
Now Krauze is going to college full-time and hoping to graduate with a degree in business administration “sooner rather than later.” While he remains unsure about what he’ll do after college, Sept. 11 has “just given me more of a drive to tackle whatever the future may hold. I see that life is not definite, and what I learn and do should really be done with 100 percent of me.”
By Tricia Sartori, Sieanyene Bowman, Yaniv Gafner, Elise Anne Revere, Mahako Etta, Donneil Jackson, Bernice V. Wise, Lydia Baker, Purvi Lad, Jeuel Cato, Pierre Louis, Yvonne Lardizabal and David Proch. All are fall 2002 “Basic Reporting” students at Rutgers-Newark
