Lilliana Rios was ten months old when when her family arrived in Newark from Arecibo, Puerto Rico. Opportunities in Arecibo were few and finances were rough. Rios’ father, who was already in North Carolina, soon met up with his family in Newark.
Moving to an unfamiliar place at a young age left Rios with uncertain expectations. She did not foresee the struggle she and her family were up against: ridicule at school, horrendous living conditions and the desire to feel a sense of home while preserving her Puerto Rican culture. All were challenges she sought to overcome.
As a child growing up in Newark, Rios experienced language barriers. She was constantly ridiculed by other kids her age. Her mom placed her in a bilingual class where Rios dedicated a tremendous amount of energy. She yearned to speak like the majority.
“Other students would laugh at me when I would say, ‘Ay no spik-a inglish tu good.’” To this day, Rios still claims to struggle with her English. Nevertheless, she is currently attending Rutgers-Newark, where her major is English. “Ironically, it is one of my passions,” she says.
In the striving for comfort in a society unlike her own, it was easy to fall into the “American nightmare,” as Rios puts it. Jobs are limited when you do not know the English language. “The American dream became working in a factory or depending on public assistance,” said Rios, “especially when arriving here and your parents are non-speakers of the Anglo-Saxon dialect.”
Both Rios’ parents worked in factories. Rios’ mother sewed for a glove factory while her father worked as a foreman at a home-improvement factory. Her father had very little education: He only finished school through the sixth grade. Rios’ mother attempted to finish her second year at a community college but did not continue because she could not speak or write English very well.
For six years the family of seven lived in a one-bedroom apartment. “The situation was pretty crappy, and it was a really bad neighborhood,” said Rios. Despite their horrendous living conditions, the Rioses were thankful to have food on their table and a roof over their heads. “Although we did not have much, we never starved.” said Rios. “I come from a humble family—we were very grateful.”
After doing factory work, Rios’ mother had to quit her job to take care of Rios and her four sisters. “They could not afford day care,” said Rios. “Dad had to work two jobs, so we barely spent time with Dad.”
Rios’ family eventually moved into a larger home in Newark. “Only then did things start to get better.” Eventually the Rioses learned to adapt to a new way of living. “It was a process,” said Rios. “Naturally, we became Americanized.”
In an attempt to preserve their culture, the Rioses would not eat at American restaurants. Rios’ father did not find it comparable to the home cooking they were used to. “I used to long for a Happy Meal,” said Rios, referring to an item on the McDonald’s menu.
“I heard of the term ‘American dream’ when I was in the sixth grade,” said Rios. “I never gave it much thought.” As she became older, an understanding of the term became clear.
Rios does not find promise in an American dream. Instead, she would rather label America a land that provides opportunities, but only if one takes the initiative to struggle to become successful. Rios desires to become a successful novelist, screenwriter, poet and entertainment journalist. At present, she rides an emotional roller coaster. She struggles with the idea of opportunity and her feelings of nostalgia as she desires to be connected to her culture.
“I don’t dream. I have goals, goals that I set out to accomplish. Dreams are only illusions,” said Rios. “If you do not know English or have the means to educate yourself, it is best if one remains in their country.”
Rioas has visited Arecibo. She thinks back on how the houses were painted in soft colors, and how it was always quiet---with the exception of the rooster, who sang on the hour every hour, and the horses that always managed to startle her. She remembers the pleasing sound of the coquí, a miniature frog found in Puerto Rico. “It makes a pleasant noise, as if it were musical,” said Rios. “It says ‘co-quí, co-quí’ all night long, but it’s a melodic echo.”
Arecibo overwhelms its residents with greenery, she recalls, and most families grow their own fruits and vegetables. “You take it out of the dirt, wash it, clean it, cook it and eat it,” said Rios. In America “most of the stuff is packed and potted so the taste is different.”
Rios lived a humble life in Arecibo. She was not showered with riches but was blessed with the sun and the beaches. In Arecibo “we felt like we were living like the rich folks,” said Rios. They had very little money but enjoyed clean air, health and love.
Rios loves America and will always consider it her second home. However, she senses she will return to Puerto Rico after graduating from Rutgers University. “La tierra te llama [the land calls you], and it is true,” she says. Rios misses the food, the language, the dance, the people and the weather. She compares the sun in America with that of her homeland: “It is only partly sunny, not as strong as the sun in Puerto Rico.”
Tricia Sartori is a journalism and media studies major at Rutgers-Newark.
